Maris went missing and no one noticed

| March 25, 2008 | 18 Replies

Nothing like being gone for 6 days and not a peep asking about my whereabouts.  I’m so feelin’ the love.

For any of you who actually care about my comings and goings, I was in Charlotte where my son is getting married in May. This visit was a combo birthday/luncheon/shower/bachelor/bachelorette party/Easter celebration. In other words, we hit the ground running and never stopped.

Let me tell my story about booking a hotel based on what you find online. Since we had 6am flights, we looked for a hotel that was midway between the airport and where most of the activities were hosted. When Mr. Maris realized we needed two rooms because our girls would be with us, his cheap gene had a flare-up.

He starts searching and is finding hotels in that luxury $149 a night bracket and begins having palpitations. I pull up Side Step and I come across a hotel that looks like the deal of the century.

There it is, Suburban Extended Stay SE at only $53 a night. I’m thinking ‘way too cheap, something’s fishy’, Mr. Maris is thinking ‘book it.’ I look at their website, everything seems okay. I check the parent company site, also seems fine. Side Step gives it 3 stars same as Hampton Inn, Doubletree, etc. Maybe it’s so cheap because you don’t get daily housekeeping? I can live with that since we’re DVC and are used to it. A couple of clicks and we have 2 rooms for 4 nights.

We arrive around noon. The ‘lobby’ was about the size of my car interior and we’re told our rooms will be ready at 3pm. Lovely, we’ve been up since 3am but not much we can do. We meet our son for lunch, head to Target for a bit and 3:00 finally rolls around. Yay!! Just enough time for a nap before we meet everyone for dinner.

Our girls’ room was ready, they were still cleaning ours. We open their door and the only thing missing was the chalk outline from where they must have removed the bodies. This is where it hits me, we’re probably the only people staying here who aren’t paying an hourly rate or whose bill isn’t being paid for by the State of North Carolina. Unfortunately, Mr. Maris is still thinking “what a deal.”

At 3:30, our room is finally ready. We go down the dog feces encrusted steps to room 209. You know that nasty, sweet, gross stuff they spray in some rental cars to mask odors? This is was what housekeeping left as the piece de resistance when prepping our room.  I felt sick enough about staying here, now I’m really nauseous from the stench. I also point out that there’s no blowdryer and no iron/ironing board. Mr. M, realizing that his life is in jeopardy, asks if we should look for another hotel. “I don’t know hon, ya think? I was kind of looking forward to seeing what the nightlife is like around here.”

We set up my laptop but wait, there’s a problem connecting to their ‘complimentary high speed internet.’ I suggest Mr. M call the office. Hmm…what’s the problem, dear? I’m guessing the phone line switchplate being pulled from the wall with wires dangling from it might be the culprit. Being the handyman that he is, he actually fixes it and calls. They tell us we should be able to get online and there it is, one brief, fleeting moment of access. Mr. Maris has better luck and books us two rooms at the Holiday Inn Express.

I go back up the doodie covered steps and tell the girls to pack their bags as we’re leaving Dodge ASAP.  Kate turns to Lauren and says “told you so.” I asked if they wagered money and if so, I get part of the action.

When we abruptly checked out, much as it was tempting to say that we prefer hotels where we won’t get murdered in our sleep, we told them that I had an allergic reaction to the stuff they sprayed in our room.  At 4:15, as we were pulling out from the Suburban Extended Stay, we noticed that the cops had arrived. (No joke, the police were there.)

Ironically, the Holiday Inn Express also has a three star rating on Side Step. In comparison, it was a combo Hilton/Renaissance/Plaza hotel. How Side Step could give the Suburban so much of a speck of a star is beyond me, much less three of them. I can’t even imagine what the two star places are like.

And just to make this about Disney, the bachelorette party was Princess themed. I don’t want to mention the desecration of Disney icons that took place. The bridesmaids are doomed to the fiery pits of Disney hell.

Category: Disney World

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